the Thing with CELEB fragrances

nowadays , all celebrities and stars tries to launch their own fragrance. the true goood perfumes are just those few, hugo-boss, dior-addict, jadore.

then comes celebs with their fragrances…

and also people like paris hilton

unlike her, her perfume aren’t cheap, it is priced at erm close to $40i think

ironically, i somehow find her elegant sometimes. perhaps its her innate hilton-ness.

then there is this Britney spears. its a while ago….i know

when she sings she sounds like she have snuffly nose, like she needs some decongestants or something , get some Sudafed will ya.
OHhh yea.. lets not forget its the same britney spears the bald one

si botak

i think she call her perfume ‘believe’ is because perhaps she believe her hair can grow back  , and perhaps will keep believing she will get her child custody back from K-fed.

yes.NExt  is a new fragrance by  TIGER WOODS.

  tiger woods, that have affairs with a string of women including porn star holly sampson, a waitress, etc etc
the fragrance  is called ”adultery” . the motto is ” you need golf balls to play golf but you need real balls to be a play boy” ; 

Tiger woods ” try my new fragrance. i am very good at hitting balls with a stick into holes, but i am also good at sticking my stick into holes…. and i got slapped by my wife consequently; buy my fragrance, i need to raise lots of money for my expensive divorce!”
   

i’ve tried it , yes me stephen tong, and his fragrance smells like sweat.

john terry, the would be england’s football captain . have launched his own fragrance as well, ohhhhhh yes. this randy bas****. he calls it Betrayal. i bet his wife toni is reallly pissed for him to cheat on her ….. he have been  kicking balls in the fields for chelsea and bring home £100,000 per week  , but now it seems like his wife toni really feels like kicking him in the nuts, hopefully he will keep his pants on more often.   

guesss how the fragrance smells like, it smells like ‘ john terry is in deep shit’ hhaha

NOW , if someone really deserves her own perfume, i think it should be Cheryl Cole. thats what i called a talented star.

damn she can sing.  and she is a better judge than perhaps simon cowell, seriously , i dont know what credentials this simon meany has, i think i singer should be judges, kylie minogue should be the judge than danni because duhhh, kylie minogue can sing…. does simon even sing?

anyway. back to cheryl. if she launches her own perfume, damn it, i will be waiting in line . hohohho. even if she’s sticking labels over mineral water bottles

 i will buy cheryls perfume , even if it means i have to fight fight fight fight, fight for this loveperfume …. splash ’the perfume’ to my arm pit, my fore arm, my crotch and my neck…  

of course i will check for the genuine logo. its cheryl pointing two fingers.
here’s the zoom of the label.

British’s Cadbury swallowed up by American Food Giant

Ali : Did you hear about the british’s cadbury is about to be swallowed up by the american food giant Kraft?!!

Abu:  what american food giant? you mean that morbidly obese dude that needs firefighter department to haul him from his apartment with a crane cos he’s too heavy & stuck and cant go to the hospital . that guy?

wait, so that guy wants to eat a bar of cadbury’s chocolate. whats the deal

Ali :  – ____-”  B you’re so retarded.  i meant did you hear about the news   about the america’s  giant food-making company named Kraft  launching a hostile corporate takeover bid for British chocolate confectionary company Cadbury for £11.5bn pounds sterling.

Abu : Ohhhh, you mean that…
            ehehe i thought you meant …. (scroll down to see abu’s mental image)

seriously this guy is so fat and heavy, he has his own gravitation force it exerts towards any objects around him, dont get pulled towards him his own bloody gravity.  
there is scientific evidence of this. I learned it in my physics class….

 

 

 

 

which also explains why the our planet and other solar system planet orbits around the VERY BIG SUN. so if a meteor strikes the earth , mark my words i am going to BEAT UP  these MEGA bas**** because their personal gravitational pull , dragged in meteors from outer space; starting with the below three. those f***ers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

alright, i am just kidding, please dont sit on me. i will die.  but if you really want to teach me a lesson, chase me with a baseball bat, i am pretty sure i can run faster than you. hehehe

PS : this post is intended for humour only , i have no grudge or hatred for overweight individuals, so dont take it to heart (unlike your cholesterol), so be forgiving and take this blogpost with a pinch of salt, some chips and gravy, and a cake too.  because i believe underneath it ALLLLLLLLLLL , you are still a nice person. so dont let  jerks like me push you around because i can’t (physically and methaporically speaking) so eat your heart out, curse me as much as you want if it makes you feel better, but i know it wont , because i cake would probably work more effectively to lift your mood. so dont pick up the phone to complain, pick up a diet coke , because gee, you got to watch your calories.

BONUS : math tuition with stephen tong.

F= GMm/d    

where F  is Gravitational force energy( ‘pulling in’ force)

G is gravitational constant

M is the mass of morbidly fat people

m is the mass of meteors from outer space

divided by

d distance between M and m.

btw , i got A for my psychics

Caster Semenya is a dude !!!

She was first suspected to be a male after a australian publication claims that there are evidence that could suggest she have both male and female features.

Media pundits rain in with their speculations about the higher than normal testoterone levels , at that sort of level , she need a pair of testicles to produce that level of testosterone (male hormone) but evidence is blunt and blurry round the edges. so special undercover journalist stephen tong investigates in his own version of BBC panorama / dispatch :  jantan atau tidak? (men or not)

1. ‘she’ is spotted cluthing a newspaper under ‘her’ arm on the way to the toilet

2. caster semenye talks about how hot megan fox is in transformers

3. caster’s apartment is messy (typical bloke)

4. has annual subscription to playboy mags,Nuts, FHM mags , Tech&Gadgets 

5. watches all most football matches…

6. whenever caster does grocery shopping, ‘she’ NEVER look at the calories content or percentage fat  (girls always do that)

7.  during one interview she declared “ yo dude, fast and furious is the most super awesome movie,  man!’’

             – that is what a man is more likely to say, for the ladies its normally pride and prejudice  or Moulin rouge, titanic, or dirty dancing  or stardust  voted most loved.

8. Fined $55 caught peeing against a tree in the park . (only guys do that, I mean drunk guys)

 

        9. contributed by commentor( silvamena) updated 26/01/10 – you cannot spell semenya without s.e.m.e.n. i am not a scientist, but i am pretty sure that only men produce semen.

Therefore. With all the solid evidence above, I declare caster semenya a man. look at his muscles….broad chin , no breasts, and something that looks like a men’s ”package” if you know what i mean.

How to kill your Wife by OJ SIMPSON

OJ simpson (legendary american football star and also a legendary wife murderer)  is the man that killed his wife ( who’s having an affair at that time) have all the evidence against him but somehow able to get aaway with it. miraculously.  whatever happened to the justice system, this man cracked it. although it happened more than a decade ago.  its worth to mention it again …jsut for the laughs…

i pick this up from the chris rock show early on…

i think he’s probably short of cash , the royalties run out etc….

so he wrote and directed this instructional tape.

” hii, i am OJ Simpson, yes the infamous OJ ……have you discovered that your wife  have been cheating behind your back? and you really want to strangle that bitch, BUT FEAR YOU MIGHT END UP IN JAIL,  well worry no more with my instructional tape…. it teaches you how to kill your wife & that son of a bitch, and get away with it. just like me…. i will reveal to you all the tips, pitfalls , what to say during the court , and which lawyers to hire for the courtcase.

in additional to the instructional tape , me OJ will also include a bonus section on how to look sad in court and get sympathy! go order one now to get the extension bonus called ”crocodile tears ” courtesy of OJ Simpson.

this book is suitable for women too!!  if you find your man cheating on you, you can do the same, kill the bas****, and THAT husband-stealing wh**e.

this book is also suitable for homosexuals. so if you find your husband in bed with another man, this tape will ”keep it real, yawl” so you can kill that bastard, and that other bastard , and get away with it. so that they  get what they deserve for hurting your feelings ,am i right… mr. nancy-boy.

stephentong gets 5% commision on each instructional DVD sold.
so rain in your orders yawll. 50% of the profits will be donated to the earthquake victims to haiti.

i love sesame street!

bert and ernie goes fishing

i tried the same magic call “heeeeere fishy fishy fishy!!!” really  loud like bert did
and NO FISH, but my neighbours jumped to my frontdoor and yelled ” SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MORON  , its 2 in the morning you yellow skinned retard”
bert looks like tom cruise in here. well not rreally. but well anyhow…

cookie monster in the library

my favourite song by my favourite character ernie

okay i tricked you, this is a dubbie not what you really hear in sesame street

bert teaches ernie a lesson, earnie teaches bert a ‘lesson’

cookie monster and count dracula

count darcula counting  sing-along *special edition*

the word they are sensoring is the word ‘count’ okay! get over with it

here’s elmo with a special guest star the great tenor andre’ bocellli (still alive unlike the late pavarotti)

elmo with beyonce …and the rest of the destiny child which never get as popular as her.

you have seen jo peshi and al pacino in “righteous kill”have you seen casino sesame street style casino also by the 2 actors , but dubbed. wait till the last part its really funny.

grover knows alphabet , so elmo helps

the magic of sesame street is it combines alphabets , numbers , manners (excluding table manners of cookie monster. cos he bloody ate the plates as well!!!) and include humour in it as well.

some of you were asking. hey where is bigbird. he died of H1N1 influenza flu
and oscar the grub. we’ll he’s been recycled. God rest his soul.

2010 weird resolution and shopping dilemma

for the year 2010 , i have very few real resolution

1. remember to wipe my arse whenever i took a dump , instead of indirectly reminded by people when they say ” hey, whats that smell”

2.  be more calm and patient with living life and waiting for things…..

3. remember to put on a fresh piece of underpants everyday, but honestly… whats the point,since i am not married, or have a really close gf, who’s gonna know whether i have any undies on, or whether it is the same one i wear yesterday

4. pester my landlady again and again untill she sorts out the internet , that b**** . its been more than one and a half month, and all the lying promises saying will get it sorted by christmas  , what a liar

5. save up some money so that i can waste it all(maybe not all) on something

6. start my own gangsta badass  rap group

7. go back to msia at the end of the year

8. ace pre-reg exam

9. confess to my sister that i tried to drown her when she was little ( she was too young to remember that time)
    …and in case you guys are wondering how she survived? well lets just say that , if it werent for her big head, she would have gone down like a turd, when i tried to flush her…… BUT i am GLAD she is still alive. ( just kidding its not ture…its fiction)

10. confess to my sister that i drop her on her head when she was about 2 years old …(which explain a lot about her grades at school)

11. muster up the courage to tell jeremy’s parents that  he stole my eraser and used my colour pencil without my permission , i wrote ”tidak boleh pinjam” ,

12.  since madonna is having a garage sale, i am going to buy her adopted kids and discount prices, and sell them for a profit on ebay to the highest bidder. DELIVERY?(royal mail second class mail- i am going to starve them so that they weigh lighter, remember ! profit margins !) easy, i just need a cardboard box, and nylon ribbons, and poke some holes in it to keep them suckers breathing… and add a few sheets of old newspaper incase they shit themselves in the box.

notice they are rather easy new years resolutions , some of them are downright ridiculous .

on a second note. for those of you that are accused of spending too much especially the ladies, retort back on those accusers of yours by saying ” i am doing a patriotic duty to great britian by stimulating the economy, by increasing consumer spending, i am doing my best to keep businesses afloat by buying stuff, so they can earn enough so that they dont have to fire their staff  … so for the sake of curbing growing unemployment rate and increasing domestic consumption i have to…… do you think i like to shop??? huh? i am doing my bit to help the economy, not being selfish like you”  alistair darling will be so touched he will shave his eyebrows and shed a tear for what you are doing for the country.

merry christmas to all

i am too busywith christmas at the moment  and have NO  internet at home. i cannot produce a ‘quality’ christmas post this time. i will be back online probably after new years.

i say happy belated birthday to Jesus and merry christmas to all white people and all other people that celebrate christmas.

if you’re a children under 12 years old and somehow is reading this post. i’ll let you in on a secret; SANTA CLAUS IS NOT REAL. that fat baffoon doesnt exist. your parents bought all those presents for you and imaginary overweight santa gets all the credit.

HO HO HO merry christmas!!!!!

stephen and his cock

i bet all of you cant wait for the picture to load, with dripping saliva, and rubbing palms. ……… and got disappointed. you dirty minded people…
hahaaha. “you’ve been punked”

THIS ”mou lieu trick” is cleverly masterminded by me and my pal               ABC tiong.this cock is not mine…sadly, although i would dream to have such a big cock. it actually belong to denise or arther,  i forgot to ask him where he get his big black cock from,…….. maybe from nando’s. when i say cock , i dO mean a big black metal shaped rooster.

loansharks learning from cartoons

sorry . for no post for the last 3 weeks , thats because .. i got internet problem…. for the whole 3 weeks, i am dying for internet. loansharks….

have you ever borrow something to somebody so long ….i mean reallll long that in the end you got to borrow it back instead of asking it back , yeap that’s what happens to my underpants, so leonardo de caprio , if you’re listening, i dont want it back anymore , i just want you to know that THOSE ”lucky pokerdot” undies are actually mine REMEMBER.   but you can keep it, i just want people to know that its actually mine , mine !! MINE!!! since you’ve worn it for so long, it probably smells, but if you insist to give it back to me then , well… please do, dont wash it , so i can sell it for more ‘with the added leonardo de caprio ’scent’ and put a signature.  i am going to make loads from ebay, those singaporeans, taiwanese , chinese, and japanese will bet their lifetime savings on it. ….i’ll be rich!

back to the topic , MAFIAs and LOANSHARKS or the famous traid related TAI-E-LUNG (nickname for loanshark in cantonese)

nowadays you can learn almost anything from the TV, yes almost anything!,
even things that you’re not suppose to learn
from the programs that are not suppose to teach you about it….. 

yes ,dear mafia and loansharks or even a novice like you and me can learn something from this educational cartoon

** PS : this is one of the first cartoon series categorised for 15A (for ages >15 and above]

x factor is a disgrace. poor lucie jones

i dont normally watch every episode of x-factor and all that but then…sometimes i do hang around a bit to watch a bit ….. and i have nothing to say , i am not bothered but this …. this…. i think i have to speak up

it is sad for me and the other 15.4 million brits that watch lucie jones voted off.   there’s this proverb about not judging a book by its cover and its so true. simon cowell, looks like a evil genius that can spot talent (cover),not to mention his ability to throw criticism AS IF HE HIMSELF CAN SING LIKE the late pavarotti.  BUT the truth is he’s just f***ing retarded, all he care is ratings buzzzz (content ) .

those irish twins , seeing them get through makes me want to stick a fork up my own ass. those two losers should have drowned in the irish sea on their way to mainland england. GOSH. for the past weeks i have to bear with their CORNY and SUPER GAY performance on stage. John and Edward everytime i see them ‘perform’ it gives me nausea, it actually hurts my eyes to watch them perform. they are an absolute anti-talent.  they are so gay even gay people think they are too gay. 

Good thing i always go to the toilet or  get something to eat from the fridge while they are ‘doing their thing’ singing like crap, dance moves that are sexually suggestive at times, and sometimes the physical act of being dominated by female support dancers like they enjoy being potrayed as ”bitches” John and Edward !! i rather watch golf in slow motion over and over again for 5 hours than a 4 minute clips of those twin retards. i guess they are actually born stuck together sharing one brain but the doctor have to separate them apart . each getting half of the brain. which explains their lack of creativity and talent.

and the genius master simon cowell, chose those two moronic hellspawns twins over the talented welsh lucie jones. THAT  is not like choosing between kiera knightley and jessica alba dilemma thingy. 

c’mon!!!!!  john&edward VS lucie jones . DUHHH!!!
thats like choosing to eat a bowl of rice crispies or a bowl of shit( 2 shit) . EASY.

but the genius talent spotter that have the ability to save lucie jones did what? he choose a bowl filled with two semi-dried pieces of dog turds -john and edward INSTEAD. even someone who  blind and deaf  with learning difficulties can be a better judge and make more sound decision than simon cowell.

the x factor is no longer a show where brits can watch a nobody brit with dream getting sifted out from the mediocre and rise to the top , and be a talent spotted  that can rise to fame.  NO.

i saw this piece of article in bbc  , and i couldnt say it better than sting…

 BBC NEWS:Rock star Sting has called the X Factor “televised karaoke” and said judges like Simon Cowell have “no recognisable talent apart from self-promotion”.

if you havent watch john and edward perform DONT, because thousands of people did, and the next morning they were found dead in the bathtub with blood dripping from their wrists. and i dont blame them , its UNDERSTANDABLE. i thought the end of the world is coming, i thought that their performance on stage was a sign of the end of the world. i almost had an grand-mal epileptic seizure, grinding my teeth, froth pours out of my mouth, … when i saw them first perform, my eyes hurt so much i wanted to gauge them out myself.

**IF YOU THINK saw 6 or the blair witch project is the most horror thing you’ve ever seen. go on youtube and type in ”john and edward x factor” . you better call the ambulance before you click ‘play’ because you might need them straight after that, so get your defibrilator ready, your inhaler handy, your heart tablets straight in front of you before you click play. **

the thing with superpowers

i dont know why suddenly, the word superpower has risen in popularity in the marketing field

copycat energizer design ’superpower’ battery

drinks that promise you superpowers


superpower tongkat ali +ginseng(improves vitality,sex drive and circulation) superpower !!

superpower again , kacip fatimah (improve sexdrive-libido for ladies, and collagen for skin)
superpower

wow. with that sort of brandpower , sales must be superb.

i myself got superpowers too like superman type of superpowers ..i just wont show it to you
check that out on my ”bio” tab in this blog. actually my superpower is able eat rice with spoon… i know many people out there have this ability as well, if you say that lame, i say  i know but… screw you! this is my blog

best celebrity prank calls

 — they use phrases they take from all the movies that an actor have been in, and use that to prank call a stranger.  A LUCKY STRANGER . hooho

 

ARNOLD CALLS COUNTRY GIRL

arnold schwarzeneggar (that has got to be the most difficult surname to spell)

RICHARD SIMMONS  CALLS AN OLD COUNTRY PAPPY
. . …