because i cannot have a blog that bears my name … not anymore , its just not ‘right’  (sadly)

http: europeanmonkey.wordpress.com

the reason is  because as a healthcare proffesional, i better not be seen having a blog of this sort. hahahaa , its vulgar and crazy and pulling shots at people , ridiculing, making fun of everything really… and not to mention those rude words /swear words…

so for sake of the image and the reputation of me as a registered healthcare proffesional , and in order to prevent the regulating body  to find out who is the man behind this ‘type’ of blog or …. writing letter to me or even suggest to the ‘board ‘ to de-register’ me from actively practice in uk, i have to do this before it happens, because some people may not be able to appreaciate my humour and thus will be offended

so with the advice from my lecturer, for preserving my right to practice and preventing me being questioned by or even put at risk the image of the british standards of healthcare proffesionals or code bla bla , i shalll go undercover. notice , i changed the details  at ”about me”

anyway .,…. please VISIT EUROPEANMONKEY.WORDPRESS.COM keep my fire burning willl ya

this is how he looks like :

and with increasing popularity, the picture of his own face appear even more and more often on his own website

Anyhow , one day while i was watching some Stephen Chow Older production called ” King of Beggars” ; somewhere in the middle of the movie i saw someone who looks rather like Kenny Sia himself :

i cropped this out from the movie ‘king of beggars’ by Stephen chow. DARNED SIMILAR TO KENNY SIA IF YOU ASK ME… dont you think. look pretty identical…. FYI / for your information, he only appeared for a mere 2 second interval during the movie as a scoreboard keeper guy during the entire movie.

i personally dont look like

the handsome celebrities like Kaneshiro Takeshi

because …… i am more handsome that this son of a bitch!OH yEAH

i am not bragging , but honestly perhaps 10x more hot than him

Hence , i am always being ”hunted” and harrassed by millions of attractive women. Meghan Heffer, Megan Fox and Nicole Kidman themselves begged me to be their boyfriend, but i refused.

sigh, sometimes looking too damn good (aka ME) can be a curse.sigh*why me….. Lord why??

well, i better stop now. i can hear somebody knocking on my door, i think it’s that megan fox again, begging me to accept her as my gf.

At least, i keep my self-esteem under control… not wanting to have a unhealthy overinflated self-esteem

at least i dont claim that i am the most handsome guy in the world ( although i most probably is anyway) BUT i dont claim the title…..1.  because i want to remain humble, if i post my picture up , millions of keyboards around the earth willl be destroyed by saliva dripping from girls mouths.
2. because the title of ” the most handsome man in the world”  is already claimed by another person nicknamed rocker88

some say ” beauty is in the eye of the beholder” whom in this case, the eyes of the beholder must be blind

for me. i could slap some hair gel onto a orang utan , and that will be sufficient to beat this guy.

BUT perhaps he means that he is handsome from inside, the most handsome from his heart….. and that’s what counts ..?
well , he has a lot to cover to compensate for the looks , this is a person whose look made it difficult for even mother Teresa to love. some people argue that you need to have a bigger heart to love someone who is hard to love, but for me, i say, you need a bigger dark plastic bag to cover the head, in order to make this person more lovable.

i hope you like it.  (Apologies for all my caucasion, european , or other english speaking friends who cant understand this)

Puisi asmara pertama si putera

Berikutnya kisah seorang putera benua asia tenggara,

Si putera menunggu di pintu istana,
untuk pakej dari E-bay yang dimenanginya
Yang dimenangi Isteri Misteri kononnya
yang entah mana datangnya si gadis puteri ini,
tapi yang penting ialah ia sampai juga akhirnya.

Bersusah payah kotak di angkat ke bilik si putera,
Tak sempat sempat ingin memuka kotak untuk melihat isterinya.
Pertamanya terperanjat , kemudian hampa dan akhirnya jiwang,
Gadis ini bukan bidadari syurga yang putera harapkan, jauh darinya.

 Berbadan tegap, berkulit legap, berpipi tebal, keras nenen-nya,
Rambutnya kasar bagai rumput amazonia
Lobang Hidungnya besar bagai eksoz kereta
Giginya tajam bagai gigi jerung australasia,
Berdaging kental dan berbulu juga,
Aneh, bulu pubisnya lagi banyak dari si putera
barangkali lebih lebat daripada hutan rimba khatulistiwa,
Bibirnya tebal lagi dari bibir Jolie Angelina
teramat hodoh jika berbanding dengan jesicca alba
Bukan itu saja, peliknya dalam kotak ‘delivery’ itu, ada tahi najis juga
.Si putera bertanya ”kau Binatang buas ker manusia !?”

Dengan tidak berfikir lama, putera cuba melarikan diri untuk menpeliharakan nyawa,
Tetapi diheret balik ke  biliknya juga,
Sayang… apakan daya, kekuatan isteri e-bay ini bagai traktor mega
Dengan sekelip mata, bajunya mewah putera dikoyak raba,
Sedih kerana didominasi oleh isteri barunya,
Ingin sangat putera mencabut lari tetapi ditimpa ‘isteri’ beratnya
Tidak disangka sangka malam itulah, dari putera menjadi hamba seks puteri yang amat terdarsyatnya!
Berjam jam asmara neraka berlanjutan,asmara maksiat durjana

binasa badan putera demi memenuhi kehausan nafsu puteri raksasa
Jeritan putera memecah kesuringan, raykat kedengaran    salah faham    berfikir mungkin orang digigit binatang liar pula

Air matasi putera tersebar diudara yang membawa simpati dari istana
keluhan putera tersebar dari biliknya keseluruh negara
amat sedih, amat hampa
Sedih, nasib buruk si putera ,
asmara manis keinginan putera dara, bertahun lama,

tetapi,
asmara yang amat terdarsyat sekali  pula dapatnya

Pilu, hancur segala harapannya…
Yang diinginkan oleh Si  putera ialah cinta romantik alam   winter sonata,
tetapi situasi sekarang…`haih`… lebih macam diperkosa.
kian dibanding, berbaling  jauh  kontrastnya,

Hari berikutnya, putera dijumpa tergantung mati di pokok belakang istana
sedíh and aneh raykat memikirkan ,
Teruk apa sampai sanggup mati  ohh wahai si putera,
berbagai bagai raykat meneka-neka sebabnya,
kenapa berbuat demikian, sampai nyawa dimalap dirinya
hairan seluruh negara sehingga  rakyat ternampak isteri putera,
alhamdullilah, semua rakyat akhirnya faham juga.

Begitu juga dengan pendapat saya
 wahai pembaca yang adil dan bijaksana,
jika ku berpunya isteri hodoh yang melampau segala batasan dunia macam si putera

Lagi rela aku berzina dengan anjing betina
daripada dengan isteri raksasa si putera

Lagi ingin ku tamatkan riwayat sendiri,
daripada dicium isteri ganas si putera.  

Aku pasti begitu juga pendapat semua pembaca
Dengan itu tamatlah sekian puisiku kepada anda semua
Sekian berita , salam mesra.

 Nota :

<—-*Karya ini dinoleh oleh Pendekar Stephen Tong (yang kacak dan hensem)

* Semua hak cipta terpelihara

then comes celebs with their fragrances…

and also people like paris hilton

unlike her, her perfume aren’t cheap, it is priced at erm close to $40i think

ironically, i somehow find her elegant sometimes. perhaps its her innate hilton-ness.

then there is this Britney spears. its a while ago….i know

when she sings she sounds like she have snuffly nose, like she needs some decongestants or something , get some Sudafed will ya.

OHhh yea.. lets not forget its the same britney spears the bald one

si botak

i think she call her perfume ‘believe’ is because perhaps she believe her hair can grow back  , and perhaps will keep believing she will get her child custody back from K-fed.

yes.NExt  is a new fragrance by  TIGER WOODS.

tiger woods, who had affairs with a string of women including porn star holly sampson, a waitress, etc etc
the fragrance  is called ”adultery” . the motto is ” you need golf balls to play golf but you need real balls to be a play boy” ;

Tiger woods ” try my new fragrance. i am very good at hitting balls with a stick into holes, but i am also good at sticking my stick into holes…. and i got slapped by my wife consequently; buy my fragrance, i need to raise lots of money for my expensive divorce!”

i’ve tried it , yes me stephen tong, and his fragrance smells like sweat.

john terry, the would be england’s football captain . have launched his own fragrance as well, ohhhhhh yes. this randy bas****. he calls it Betrayal. i bet his wife toni is reallly pissed for him to cheat on her ….. he have been  kicking balls in the fields for chelsea and bring home £100,000 per week  , but now it seems like his wife toni really feels like kicking him in the nuts, hopefully he will keep his pants on more often.

guesss how the fragrance smells like, it smells like ‘ john terry is in deep shit’ hhaha

NOW , if someone really deserves her own perfume, i think it should be Cheryl Cole. thats what i called a talented star.

damn she can sing.  and she is a better judge than perhaps simon cowell, seriously , i dont know what credentials this simon meany has, i think i singer should be judges, kylie minogue should be the judge than danni because duhhh, kylie minogue can sing…. does simon even sing?

anyway. back to cheryl. if she launches her own perfume, damn it, i will be waiting in line . hohohho. even if she’s sticking labels over mineral water bottles

i will buy cheryls perfume , even if it means i have to fight fight fight fight, fight for this loveperfume …. splash ’the perfume’ to my arm pit, my fore arm, my crotch and my neck…

of course i will check for the genuine logo. its cheryl pointing two fingers.
here’s the zoom of the label.

Abu: what american food giant? you mean that morbidly obese dude that needs firefighter department to haul him from his apartment with a crane cos he’s too heavy & stuck and cant go to the hospital . that guy?

wait, so that guy wants to eat a bar of cadbury’s chocolate. whats the deal

Ali : – ____-”  B you’re so retarded.  i meant did you hear about the news   about the america’s  giant food-making company named Kraft  launching a hostile corporate takeover bid for British chocolate confectionary company Cadbury for £11.5bn pounds sterling.

Abu : Ohhhh, you mean that…
ehehe i thought you meant …. (scroll down to see abu’s mental image)

seriously this guy is so fat and heavy, he has his own gravitation force,whom he exerts towards any objects around him,so dont get pulled in by  his own bloody gravity.
there is scientific evidence of this. I learned it in my physics class….

which also explains why the our planet earth and other solar system planets orbit around the VERY BIG SUN. so if a meteor strikes the earth , mark my words; i am going to BEAT UP  these MEGA bas**** , WHY? because their personal gravitational pull , dragged in meteors from outer space; starting with the below three….. those f***ers.

alright, i am just kidding, please dont sit on me. i will die.  but if you really want to teach me a lesson, chase me with a baseball bat, i am pretty sure i can run faster than you. hehehe

PS : this post is intended for humour only , i have no grudge or hatred for overweight individuals, so dont take it to heart (unlike your cholesterol), so be forgiving and take this blogpost with a pinch of salt, some chips and gravy, and a cake too.  because i believe underneath it ALLLLLLLLLLL , you are still a nice person. so dont let  jerks like me push you around because i can’t (physically and methaporically speaking) so eat your heart out, curse me as much as you want if it makes you feel better, but i know it wont , because i cake would probably work more effectively to lift your mood. so dont pick up the phone to complain, pick up a diet coke , because gee, you got to watch your calories.

BONUS : math tuition with stephen tong.

F= GMm/d

where F  is Gravitational force energy( ‘pulling in’ force)

G is gravitational constant

M is the mass of morbidly fat people

m is the mass of meteors from outer space

divided by

d distance between M and m.

btw , i got A for my psychics

Media pundits rain in with their speculations about the higher than normal testoterone levels , at that sort of level , she need a pair of testicles to produce that level of testosterone (male hormone) but evidence is blunt and blurry round the edges. so special undercover journalist stephen tong investigates in his own version of BBC panorama / dispatch :  jantan atau tidak? (men or not)

1. ‘she’ is spotted cluthing a newspaper under ‘her’ arm on the way to the toilet

2. caster semenye talks about how hot megan fox is in transformers

3. caster’s apartment is messy (typical bloke)

4. has annual subscription to playboy mags,Nuts, FHM mags , Tech&Gadgets 

5. watches all most football matches…

6. whenever caster does grocery shopping, ‘she’ NEVER look at the calories content or percentage fat  (girls always do that)

7.  during one interview she declared “ yo dude, fast and furious is the most super awesome movie,  man!’’

             – that is what a man is more likely to say, for the ladies its normally pride and prejudice  or Moulin rouge, titanic, or dirty dancing  or stardust  voted most loved.

8. Fined $55 caught peeing against a tree in the park . (only guys do that, I mean drunk guys)

        9. contributed by commentor( silvamena) updated 26/01/10 – you cannot spell semenya without s.e.m.e.n. i am not a scientist, but i am pretty sure that only men produce semen.

Therefore. With all the solid evidence above, I declare caster semenya a man. look at his muscles….broad chin , no breasts, and something that looks like a men’s ”package” if you know what i mean.

i pick this up from the chris rock show early on…

i think he’s probably short of cash , the royalties run out etc….

so he wrote and directed this instructional tape.

” hii, i am OJ Simpson, yes the infamous OJ ……have you discovered that your wife  have been cheating behind your back? and you really want to strangle that bitch, BUT FEAR YOU MIGHT END UP IN JAIL,  well worry no more with my instructional tape…. it teaches you how to kill your wife & that son of a bitch, and get away with it. just like me…. i will reveal to you all the tips, pitfalls , what to say during the court , and which lawyers to hire for the courtcase.

in additional to the instructional tape , me OJ will also include a bonus section on how to look sad in court and get sympathy! go order one now to get the extension bonus called ”crocodile tears ” courtesy of OJ Simpson.

this book is suitable for women too!!  if you find your man cheating on you, you can do the same, kill the bas****, and THAT husband-stealing wh**e.

this book is also suitable for homosexuals. so if you find your husband in bed with another man, this tape will ”keep it real, yawl” so you can kill that bastard, and that other bastard , and get away with it. so that they  get what they deserve for hurting your feelings ,am i right… mr. nancy-boy.

stephentong gets 5% commision on each instructional DVD sold.
so rain in your orders yawll. 50% of the profits will be donated to the earthquake victims to haiti.

cookie monster in the library

my favourite song by my favourite character ernie

okay i tricked you, this is a dubbie not what you really hear in sesame street

bert teaches ernie a lesson, earnie teaches bert a ‘lesson’

cookie monster and count dracula

count darcula counting  sing-along *special edition*

the word they are sensoring is the word ‘count’ okay! get over with it

here’s elmo with a special guest star the great tenor andre’ bocellli (still alive unlike the late pavarotti)

elmo with beyonce …and the rest of the destiny child which never get as popular as her.

you have seen jo peshi and al pacino in “righteous kill”have you seen casino sesame street style casino also by the 2 actors , but dubbed. wait till the last part its really funny.

grover knows alphabet , so elmo helps

the magic of sesame street is it combines alphabets , numbers , manners (excluding table manners of cookie monster. cos he bloody ate the plates as well!!!) and include humour in it as well.

some of you were asking. hey where is bigbird. he died of H1N1 influenza flu
and oscar the grub. we’ll he’s been recycled. God rest his soul.

1. remember to wipe my arse whenever i took a dump , instead of indirectly reminded by people when they say ” hey, whats that smell”

2.  be more calm and patient with living life and waiting for things…..

3. remember to put on a fresh piece of underpants everyday, but honestly… whats the point,since i am not married, or have a really close gf, who’s gonna know whether i have any undies on, or whether it is the same one i wear yesterday

4. pester my landlady again and again untill she sorts out the internet , that b**** . its been more than one and a half month, and all the lying promises saying will get it sorted by christmas  , what a liar

5. save up some money so that i can waste it all(maybe not all) on something

6. start my own gangsta badass  rap group

7. go back to msia at the end of the year

8. ace pre-reg exam

9. confess to my sister that i tried to drown her when she was little ( she was too young to remember that time)
    …and in case you guys are wondering how she survived? well lets just say that , if it werent for her big head, she would have gone down like a turd, when i tried to flush her…… BUT i am GLAD she is still alive. ( just kidding its not ture…its fiction)

10. confess to my sister that i drop her on her head when she was about 2 years old …(which explain a lot about her grades at school)

11. muster up the courage to tell jeremy’s parents that  he stole my eraser and used my colour pencil without my permission , i wrote ”tidak boleh pinjam” ,

12.  since madonna is having a garage sale, i am going to buy her adopted kids and discount prices, and sell them for a profit on ebay to the highest bidder. DELIVERY?(royal mail second class mail- i am going to starve them so that they weigh lighter, remember ! profit margins !) easy, i just need a cardboard box, and nylon ribbons, and poke some holes in it to keep them suckers breathing… and add a few sheets of old newspaper incase they shit themselves in the box.

notice they are rather easy new years resolutions , some of them are downright ridiculous .

on a second note. for those of you that are accused of spending too much especially the ladies, retort back on those accusers of yours by saying ” i am doing a patriotic duty to great britian by stimulating the economy, by increasing consumer spending, i am doing my best to keep businesses afloat by buying stuff, so they can earn enough so that they dont have to fire their staff  … so for the sake of curbing growing unemployment rate and increasing domestic consumption i have to…… do you think i like to shop??? huh? i am doing my bit to help the economy, not being selfish like you”  alistair darling will be so touched he will shave his eyebrows and shed a tear for what you are doing for the country.

i say happy belated birthday to Jesus and merry christmas to all white people and all other people that celebrate christmas.

if you’re a children under 12 years old and somehow is reading this post. i’ll let you in on a secret; SANTA CLAUS IS NOT REAL. that fat baffoon doesnt exist. your parents bought all those presents for you and imaginary overweight santa gets all the credit.

HO HO HO merry christmas!!!!!